On Private Parts and why I took it so far

The kids and I have had so many serious conversations lately. We tend to have these conversations little bits at a time. I don't want to overwhelm them with information and make them feel like I'm lecturing them so they get bored and stop listening, but I feel that what we are talking about is so incredibly important.

One such conversation is that of private parts. Of course there is the part of this conversation that everyone has with their children at some point. About how panties/jocks stay on and no one is to see or touch that part of their body. About how underwear is incredibly important under skirts and dresses and sticking penisis out at other people is very rude (yes, we have had to have that conversation in this house, because it seems that even 2 year olds and 4 year olds find wiggling it at people hilarious).

I've been meaning to have these conversations for a while now, but we never got far with them. Just the usual conversation was had. But the other day, after a big play outside with some other children from our complex, I heard my children whispering from behind the couch. I asked them what they were whispering about and they responded with "I don't want to tell you because it's rude"s. 

Yep. We know that's exactly when mum does need to hear about it. 

So I probed a little deeper until, after much promising on my behalf they they will not be in trouble, they eventually decided to give it up. Apparently one of the little girls they had been playing with (a five year old!!), had said something about oral sex. Or I should say, suggested it. Of course she didn't know what to call it. And yes, I'm rather worried about where this young child heard this from. 

Now obviously the usual conversation covers this, but I felt like this was an opening to take it further, so I did.

We started it at mouths. Mouths are private parts too. This is a hard one to explain to young children, because despite what they heard from the little girl, going so far as to actually be specific is too far for me at this stage, so we kept this one strait forward. Non-edible items do not go in your mouth. No one else can put things in your mouth. Kisses are special for family members only.

And then we moved onto hands. Hands are private parts too. Well they are now, anyway. I haven't perfected the way I go about this one yet. I haven't found a way to say this one that leaves me feeling like I've used the right words. But for now I'm going with private. They are private because they are yours, and because no one can make you do things with your hands that you feel uncomfortable doing. Or that you think may be wrong or rude. If someone wants you to do something with your hands that break any of the above rules then your breaking this one too. Pretty much.

And this is where we took this converstation to the point that some may see as too far. But I will explain why I don't see it that way soon.

Hugs are now limited too. Hugs are saved for family members and 'bestest friends'. There is to be no hugging random people, no hugging friends parents, no hugging teachers and so on and so fourth. 

And "I love you"s. Same rules apply as above.

And one last one. If you don't feel comfortable - don't do it. I will not be that parent that forces the child to sit on uncles lap or give the friend of the family a kiss goodbye. Other than basic politeness, my children to not have to interact with anyone if they do not feel comfortable in doing so. 

Now for my reasoning:

I will do anything it takes to keep my children from being vulnerable. I will do everything within my power to teach them to be strong, to be cautious, to be confident. I will do everything I can, to ensure that my children are not sucked in to a false sence of love from predictors.

I feel that by not setting these standards for my kids, I'm allowing them to be vulnerable. These are standards and values that my children will carry with them throughout their lives. And this is so incredibly important to me. We cannot ever be 100% sure that we are keeping our children safe from pediphiles or rapists. It is well known by all that these bad things happen anywhere. Everywhere. And that includes in their schools and even their homes. Our children need to have the knowledge and confidence within themselves to know what is right and wrong. To be able to keep themselves - as much as is ever possible - from being caught up in a situation where they are the victim. 

It is my job as their mother to do everything within my power and beyond it, to prevent said incidents and situations. 

And for this reason, not that they yet know that this is the reason, I have and will continue to encourage my children not to keep secrets from me or their father. I know that that's not something that I can prevent as all kids keep secrets, but I'll do my best to be there and to have them feel like I will listen to anything they have to say without judgement. 

That's all I can do.