Finally some help..

As you would have read here in my post about my daily struggle, I suffer from almost constant migraines. This has made life hard for me, as I'm sure you could imagine, for the last 6 1/2 years, but getting help from a doctor has been a struggle in it self. 

Today I went to a new doctor. 15 minutes later I left her office with a referral for a blood test (which I got done and just have to say, the lady who did it was ridiculously good at her job), and a referral for a CT scan, which I have booked for tomorrow.

I have to admit, I am feeling so relieved in finally having found a doctor who actually cares enough to do something rather than just dismiss me and my worries. Yay!

Packing packing packing..

If you have been following me then you will know that we currently live in Brisbane, QLD. We are from down south, Logan from South Australia and me from Victoria.

In december of 2009 there was no work left in our small town in S.A for Logan and so after staying with Mum in Vic for a week over christmas we decided to move there (my home town). So we packed some stuff and moved there right away.

In 2011 we decided to move to QLD, I'm pretty sure that from the "Yep, def moving", it took me about 3 weeks to get on the plane. I sold all our things and we arrived with a bag of clothes each and a few hundred dollars, and moved in with Logan's mum, sleeping on mattresses. When we decided we were ready to get our own place we had saved nothing, we had our beds and a few toys and a T.V, but we went house hunting anyway and, unexpectedly, we were offered a house within a few days. I didn't get along with Logan's brother, and the kids had problems with him too so we were pretty desperate to move, so accepted the house despite having no savings. Some how, within the next 2 weeks I managed to pull enough money together to buy a couch and a few of the things we needed before moving in and bond money, and I organised a rental fridge. We moved in and then slowly built up a house of furniture and such from there.

So as you can see, we don't really plan, we def don't leave enough time to save cash, we just kinda say "yep lets go" and pull money from our arses and go, so we have no experience in saving over a long period of time and organising things and it certainly isn't an easy thing. We such at it.

We are now wanting to move back to Vic. We have wanted to for a year now, but failed pretty hard last year when we tried saving money for a moving van and what no.

We could easily do the same thing we did before and sell everything to move back but even now, after 2 1/2 years of living here, our children don't have much stuff, not when you compare their pile of toys with what other children their age have, or even what they had before we moved, and I really don't want to sell their things again. Doing that made me feel terribly guilty and I was just lucky that they were so excited about moving that they didn't care about their stuff.

Anyway I think the reason I can manage to pull the money together and organise everything when we decide to move right then and there is because it is my main focus, so I would find out where I can find every last spare cent, and i would dedicate it to moving. I can't do it when looking at a bigger scale over a longer period of time. In other words, Im terrible at long term plans but great at short term ones. 

Today I came up with a plan. To get in the right mind set for saving and moving, I started packing. Nothing we need too much, and only 3 boxes, but now I'm excited. Now I'm thinking about what I need to organise, how much money I can save this week and so on and so forth. Fingers crossed it continues to keep me motivated!! I want so badly to go home.

Wish me luck.

A bit of DIY

I've had a busy weekend.  Here are a few things I got up to:

I made button magnets, aren't they cute?

I painted an old photo frame,

A shelves set for Izzy's room,

And the chairs that go with the kids kitchen. It is more noticeable that the white needs a touch up now. I guess I'll have to get onto that.

I also have a chalkboard in the shed that needs a second coat and many more ideas planned, including thinking about painting Izzy's bed that beautiful purple.. Yay!

Doesn't look like much but that's a lot of coats of paint right there. :-D

And while I've got you here, I'll share the kidlets after school routine as I got a good response last time. I need to review ours as things go a bit different now that I am busier with studies, but here it is where it stands.

I am hoping to print the next one and maybe even laminate it so they kids can use a marker to check off each task as it is completed, but that will depend on if i ever remember to buy coloured ink for the printer. Not likely.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend. 

Goodnight :-)

Which do you see?

I see a wish, Which do you see? :-)

Creator unknown.

Just a moment of weakness

I am so tired, so so tired, and I want to write but I'm not sure how. I tried talking to Logan in the early hours of the morning. He is my person, but I couldn't do it. The words wouldn't come. Getting things out today have been hard. Impossible. And this blog, this blog is my diary. That's why it is called Diary Of An Overworked Mum, because it is my diary, my only diary. And I can only hope that the words that won't flow from my mouth, will from my fingers. Because I need to let them out.

But I still wonder at times how honest to be. I don't really know if there is a point where I should just keep things to myself rather than sharing them. On Facebook I believe there is, but this is my space. My space to be me. If only I could be certain that that is okay.

 You see, I haven't had much sleep in the last week and it has really run me down.

Last night I found out that my great aunt has only a day or so to live. Tumours have been found in her brain. 10 of them in fact. Being so tired means that I just cannot sort out how I'm feeling about the situation. Obviously I am sad, thats a given. I was never too close to her, I didn't keep in contact with her as I grew up, but I do have very fond memories of her from my childhood. Fond memories of the wonderful woman that she is. 

I am cut up about the news. But I'm confused, too. I hardly slept last night, I have hardly slept for days now, but last night was so much worse, and I am unsure of the meaning behind my emotions  I am unsure if I am this upset because she is dying, because of how horrible it must have been for her this last week, or because it has hit home hard. Probably all three.

See, I have migraines all the time. I have been to the doctors time and time again, many different doctors over the last almost 7 years, and they always end up doing the same thing.. brushing it off. Acting as though I am being dramatic, as though I am making it up. They tell me to take panadol, which does nothing to help, a few have offered medication to prevent them, but that never works either and so I don't bother continuing it. They might ask a few questions, but they never seem to care, they never take it seriously.

I have been taking Ibuprofen & Codine for months now, it is the only thing I have found that provides a little help. I know it is terrible for my body, but I have to lower the pain some how, there is no one available to take over my job as mum while I'm in bed unable to move, so what choice do I have? 

It surprises even me how well I have learnt to deal with the pain. How when a big one hits I stop and stand still for a minute, breathing and telling myself "you can deal with this, you have no choice, just get over it" and then I move on with my day. Pain that puts most people in bed isn't enough to make me stop my day anymore. Because life hasn't given me a choice. I have no one to help. Not one person. Because Logan has work to go to. Because he is all I have right now, and he is just too damn busy to take over my role as mum.

But I worry, because while it might not seem like a big deal to the doctors, it is to me. It makes my life so hard, I am so limited in what I do because I am just always in pain. My kids are always being told to be quiet, always in trouble for yelling and banging things.. and that isn't fair on them. And I hate that they are limited because of my pain. 

And really, having migraines daily is not normal, it just isn't.

I guess I worry that that will be me one day. One day soon. Lying on the hospital bed, leaving my family, all because the doctors just won't listen to me. And sure, it may not be so serious for me, but how can I know that? Maybe they are brushing it off because they have already ruled the more serious things out by asking the few questions they asked. But I wouldn't know because, along with their not really caring attitude, they don't bother to tell me that I'm sort of ok. They don't bring me comfort. They just stress me more because I leave thinking "why are you treating me like a child who is being overly dramatic about a scraped knee? why don't you care??". 

Maybe it is time for me to stop putting on the brave face I work so hard at. Maybe it is time for me to go in there, a mess, bawling my eyes out, so they see what Logan see's. So they maybe decide to take me seriously for once. Isn't that their job, after all?

So you see? I am sad, heartbroken really, I am torn up at how cruel life can be. How can such a wonderful woman, with such a kind heart, can have this happen to her. When all those terrible terrible people out there get to live their lives, happy and healthy.

And I'm scared. I have been scared for years now. But this, this makes it worse. And I need someone. But no one has the time. People have their own lives to live, and I need to let go of this moment of weakness and continue on with my life. Because that's all this is, a moment of weakness. One that I will burry as I do.

Because I have no choice.

The craziness that is school mornings

So it's twenty past nine, the kids are at school the toddler is at daycare, I have my coffee from Zarraffas and Logan and I are about to get on the train, that's a win itself, but then I even managed to get Bay to wear shoes today! Well, until we got to daycare and he threw them into the sandpit somewhere.. But hey, the shoes are their problem now, so I still count that as Winning! 

Do any of you have mornings like this? Where the shoes are always missing, the tea's gone cold before you even got a sip, the socks don't match, the breakfast is all over the floor and one child, who cannot find their homework book, swears on their chocolate cupcake that a thief snuck in just to steal the homework and left everything else in it's place then locked the door on the way out?? 

You do, I know you do. I could not possible be alone in the craziness that is school mornings.

100 random facts about me

0. I love starting at 0 instead of 1.

1. I fell pregnant with my first child at the age of 16, only 2 weeks after her father and I started dating, we are still together now, almost 8 years later. 


2. My middle name is Jade.

3. I cry.. a lot.. like, about everything. They aren't always sad tears either.

4. I'm obsessed with organisation but find joy in occasionally throwing the routine out the window.

5. I love singing at the top of my lungs and wish I had the balls to sing in public (like at karaoke nights or something).

6. I have heart 'stuff' and am not supposed to drink alcohol or coffee or energy drinks, but I still drink coffee a few times a week cos it's that good from Zarraffes.

7. I'm a stress head, it's getting worse as I age.

8. I'm obsessed with crazy patterned pants.

9. Storms scare the crap out of me.

10. I love reading.

11. I banned "I can't" from our family's vocabulary's.

12. I have a habit of talking people into paying boardgames with me and then getting bored and wanting to quit 10 minutes into the game.

13. I have a favourite child - It changes constantly.

14. New people are always so sure that they have met me before, or I look like their friend/cousin/boyfriends brothers girlfriend.

15. When I was told I couldn't drink coffee anymore I replaced it with tea, I guess I get addicted to things easily.

16. I can't stand noisy eaters, it makes me SO angry, especially when they eat with their mouths open.

17. I'm allergic to morphine.

18. I have 4 half sisters, 1 half brother and 1 step brother who technically isn't my brother anymore, I only speak to 2 of my sisters and the one bro thats not technically my bro.

19. I have scoliosis.

20. I always want the latest gadget but hate technology with a passion.

21. I love technology as much as I hate it.

22. I am old school when it comes to reading, looking at my book collection cluttering the shelves makes me happy.

23. I'm not interested in watching sports on T.V at all.

24. Logan turned me into a bit of a nerd. I'd never even played XBOX before I met him and now I know how to play warhammer 40k.

25. I love taking photos.

26. I am short. It used to bother me, especially when I was picked on for it throughout primary and high school, now when people mention it I just wonder why the hell they care.

27. I look forward to my children becoming teenagers.

28. I talk in my sleep and my dreams tend to take on the theme of whatever I've watched a lot of recently.

29. I wear glasses and hate them with a passion. They hurt my head and nose. and constantly have smudges.

30. I still hope that I will get married one day, even though Logan always says he doesn't want to. I have my dress and flowers planned.

31. I hate cleaning without music on.

32. I get migraines a lot, like, almost constantly, so I'm pretty out of it from my pain killers 99% of the time. 

33. I want to move back to cold, wet Victoria because I miss my friends and family.

34. I want a really big, white, fluffy dog. 

35. I'm terrible at saving money - something is always begging to be paid.

36. I want to be a hairdresser, a photographer and an event planner.

37. I've had 2 operations on my spine.

38. I love leopard print.

39. I want to dye my hair hot pink as soon as I become a hairdresser.

40. Cooking makes me feel amazing. It is my therapy.

41. I didn't like chocolate before I met Logan. He was a chocoholic and gave me no choice but to eat it.. I still don't eat it often and when I do I only eat a few bites.

42. I'm seriously scared or magpies and huntsman's. I literally cry when huntsman's make their way into my house. Once Logan had to tell his boss there was an emergency and come home early from work to kill a huntsman for me. Another time I sat on the floor in my son's room and cried until Logan came home 4 hours later and turned the lounge room upside down to find and kill the spider for me.

43. I hate, more than anything, that Logan works night shift.

44. I have always wanted long hair and am in the process of growing it, but it annoys me so I wear it in a bun at the top of my head 99% of the time.

45. I wish I could tie my kids down while they sleep, when they move in the night the noises scare me

46. I wish I had the patients to have one more child.

47. I want to run my own business.

48. I have a foot phobia

49. I have low self esteem but fake high self esteem well.

50. I sleep with my balcony door open because I feel claustrophobic with it shut.

51. I like to go fishing as long as I don't have to touch the fish.

52. I love reading aloud.

53. I honestly don't believe anyone will read this far into my list.

54. I wanted to be a midwife until Logan and our kids told me they don't want me in a job where I would be gone more than not. I was shattered to give up on that dream, but my family come first.

55. I can't drive (or be in a car) with the windows up, it nearly makes me cry.

56. I've never had chicken pox.

57. I always forget about the scar down my back.

58. It makes me angry when random people casually ask me what my scar is from or my tattoo means, like it's their business.

59. My tattoo is exactly the same as my besties tattoo.

60. I took guitar lessons in primary school and played indoor soccer in high school.

61. I wanted a motorbike licence until I had kids, now I feel like I have too much to lose.

62. I hate planes and really don't want to get back on one to go back to VIC.

63. I have never had a speeding ticket or a parking ticket or been pulled over.

64. During my childhood we only moved house once that I remember, since moving out of home 8 years ago I have moved houses 13 times.

65. The first car I bought was a VS

66. I drank pretty much nothing but coke for 7 years, my teeth are suffering from it now.

67. I wish my bed was big enough that I could let my youngest still co-sleep.

68. I scored 95% on my written driving test and 100% on my practical.

69. The only reason it annoys me when males leave the toilet seat up is because I forget to check and fall in.

70. I laughed while typing #69.

71. I love blonde jokes even though I am naturally blonde.

72. I wanted singing lessons when I was a kid and my mum and friends mum said they would organise it but never did. I still wish they did.

73. I never tasted a 'peanut butter and jelly sandwich' until I moved in with Logan, I think it's weird.

74. It does my head in when people don't use grammar.

75. I like to make people laugh.

76. It annoys me when people put the toilet paper on the wrong way (yes, there is a wrong way).

77. I want a lancer.

78. My best friend of 10 years died when I was 14.

79. It annoys me when males wear pants without socks and shoes. Freaks me out really.

80. I'm not usually sexist. I think it's just because men have big feet and I hate feet. See #48.

81. I hate being alone but being in crowded busy places - like shopping centres - stresses me out.

82. When I cry, Logan cuddles me better (and, most of the time, laughs at me), the fact that he comforts me, even if I've cried four times that day already, makes me love him even more.

83. I take, on average, 9,000 steps on weekdays and 3,000 steps on weekends.

84. I believe that having money does, in fact, make people happy. And if it doesn't, then they should try being broke for a while.

85. I don't believe in karma.

86. I hate toilet training.

87. I love walking at night, but not alone.

88. I have completed a Business Diploma and Management Diploma and then got bored again and started on a Website Development Diploma since moving to Queensland 2 1/2 years ago.

89. I dont understand why, when offering money for something, people write the figure rather than say it aloud.

90. I take my youngest on a coffee date every Wednesday.

91. I have a teddy bear named Otis. I cuddle him to sleep.

92. I always get hungry just as I'm about to lay down to sleep.

93. My fave alcoholic drink is a Moist Pussy but I can't find them at any club here in Brisbane. :-(

94. I like Apple more than Windows.

95. I don't like gardening because the garden spiders creep me out and the sun makes my head hurt more.

96. I always wanted a 2 story house but now that I have one I wish I didn't.

97. I taught myself to sew by hand.

98. I swear way too much.

99. When I was 15 I went to the zoo in Adelaide with my family and a friend, a monkey stole my bracelet and then refused to give it back. The sneaky shit.