Can I go home now?

I hate leaving the blog without a post for so long, but I really haven't had much to say lately.

Last Friday I had a CT to try to find out the cause for my constant migraines. When the doctor told me on Thursday that she wanted me to go have a CT I was over the moon, finally after almost seven years, someone wants to actually do their job and help. I was so relieved as I really didn't think there was anything to find, instead, I saw it as a way for them to provide a bit of piece of mind for me, for them to tell me that there is nothing to find in my brain. I know that that certainly wouldn't help rid me of them, but I could certainly do with a bit of good news.

But I've gotta admit, it got to Friday and I was so nervous! Suddenly I started thinking about the possibility of them actually finding something. I mean, we all know it's possible right? Seven years of migraines doesn't happen for no reason. And it certainly is a symptom of brain tumours. So what if that's what it is? What if I get to the doctors expecting to hear that we need to look into other options because my brain is fine, and instead I get devastating news? Yeah.. 

Well unfortunately I can't tell you that everything turned out fine because I don't actually know. My follow up appointment isn't until next Wednesday. Even though I am trying to keep positive, I have asked Logan to, if he is not working dayshift next week, come to my appointment, because even though it's all going to be fine, I need him there just in case. Because I wouldn't be able to cope with bad news on my own.

As for the actual migraines, they haven't gotten any better. Not in the slightest. If anything, they are worse. 

I try my absolute hardest to go on as normal. With Logan busy working and studying, I really don't have a choice but to keep going. If I don't do the dishes, cook the dinner or wash the dirty clothes then it won't get done (most of the time anyway, sometimes my dear man is kind enough to cook dinner for me). And I want everything to be normal. I don't want my kids memories of their childhoods to be based around their mum always in pain, so, other than expecting as much quiet as is possible to get out of three young children (and a Daddy that likes to play loud and rough with kiddies), I try not to let it affect our days. I put on a brave face, to the best of my ability, and pretend everything is fine. Because they come first, of course.

But it doesn't always work like that.

On Sunday I had a complete breakdown. One minute I was getting ready to head to the supermarket, and the next I was on the kitchen floor crying. Bawling really. Eventually Logan sent me up to bed and I must have continued to cry for an hour or more. The tears just wouldn't stop. I was feeling terrible for giving up, but that's exactly what I wanted to do. Just. Give. Up.

Because it is so hard. It really is. And I am so tired. So I hid in bed and just cried for a while. And I could hear Logan downstairs with the boys trying to keep them quiet, but there isn't much you can do to keep a 2 year old boy and a 4 year old boy quiet. And I tried talking to him, but I couldn't get a sentence out cos I was crying so hard and I was in so much pain. But I just wanted to complain to him. I just wanted to lay on the floor and kick and scream and cry and tell him that it's just not fair! Yes, I know that I am not the only person in pain. Yes, I know there are people out there worse off than me. Yes, at least I am alive, at least I get to spend time with my family. I get it. An you know what? That's what I tell myself every day! "Get over it Sami". But Right then, I didn't care that I have it better than some. Right then, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to throw a tantrum. I wanted to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I wanted someone else to look after me for once! For once, I wanted to act like the sick, exhausted, in pain person that I am. 

I try to be strong, I try to put everyone else first. But come, on, there is only so long that a person can be strong. There is only so long that a person can deal with daily pain and pretend like they are fine before they just can't handle it anymore. Before they need to turn to toddlers methods and kick and scream and cry and let everyone know just how unfair life can be. I guess we should have seen it coming.

Because when most normal people have a migraine and they get the day off work, go home and sleep. And people feel sorry for them and organise them dinner, maybe take their kids for a few hours or whatever. And usually, after a few hours, or the next day at least, their head is better and they can go on with their lives.  But for me it's totally different. 

I'm not saying that no one cares. I know that I have many people that care, but they can't quit their lives to take over mine can they? Especially when, other than Logan, the people who care are across the country from me. 

And so that is where we are at now. Trying to pull the money together to get back to Victoria. To go home. Because we need our family. And we need our friends. Because we can't keep doing this alone. Because here, we might as well know no one. Because our kids don't remember what its like to have a sleep over with grandparents, to be taken to the beach, to be spoilt. And because we have been to doctors and hospitals and stuff so many times in the last year. Having tests on my heart and tests on my head. And the few people we know here can't even take 5 minutes out of their day to ask if I'm ok. To ask if we might need a break, or a bit of help here or there. And we're left stressing because I'm on the couch crying and shaking and almost unable to breathe from the pain in my chest, and we are lucky if we manage to get onto anyone to be able to have the kids for an hour so we can go back to the hospital. And because while Logan's at work and I'm laying on the couch, vision blurred, unable to get move because every time I go to get up I almost face plant it, my poor 6 year old daughter is having to turn the stove off so the house doesn't burn down. And she's having to make sure that Bay isn't getting into things. And they are having to wait for the dizziness to pass so I can get up and fight through the pain to finish cooking their dinner. And I have no one to call, not even to help for 30 minutes, not even to drop off a few dollars of chips for the kids so they can eat without me fearing that I'm going to pass out while cooking for them.

I don't expect that when I get back there everyone will have to run to help me whenever something needs doing. And I don't expect, nor want, someone to take the kids whenever my head hurts (if that were the case I'd never get to see them). But it will be nice to know that there are people who will take the kids for an hour if I need to go to the hospital. It will be nice to know that people around us actually care enough to ask how we are. It will be nice to be able to have a chat with someone other than poor Logan when I need to let out my stress and fear when waiting for results. I'm sure Logan will appreciate me having another shoulder to cry on.

And of course the good things too. All the wonderful things that an active family and a few close friends bring. Like laughter and fun and good chats and relaxation and the feeling of security. Like forgetting what loneliness feels like. Like wonderful relationships that my children need to experience. Like the feeling of being wanted and loved that I can't wait to see my kids feel on a daily basis from someone other than just Logan and I.

Well there you go. I guess I had a lot to say.

I think I'm going to attempt to go into the college with Logan tomorrow for the first time in like 2 weeks or something. He doesn't go without me often and so, after staying home with me for so long, I think I owe it him him to give it a shot. I fear that I'm going to regret it, but my studies have really been lacking lately, and I need to get these current assignments done. Please wish me luck. I think I'm going to need it.

I hope you, my lovely readers, have had a better weekend and start to the week than I. 

Sleep well people, then send me some energy. ;-)


Sami x

Finally some help..

As you would have read here in my post about my daily struggle, I suffer from almost constant migraines. This has made life hard for me, as I'm sure you could imagine, for the last 6 1/2 years, but getting help from a doctor has been a struggle in it self. 

Today I went to a new doctor. 15 minutes later I left her office with a referral for a blood test (which I got done and just have to say, the lady who did it was ridiculously good at her job), and a referral for a CT scan, which I have booked for tomorrow.

I have to admit, I am feeling so relieved in finally having found a doctor who actually cares enough to do something rather than just dismiss me and my worries. Yay!

Packing packing packing..

If you have been following me then you will know that we currently live in Brisbane, QLD. We are from down south, Logan from South Australia and me from Victoria.

In december of 2009 there was no work left in our small town in S.A for Logan and so after staying with Mum in Vic for a week over christmas we decided to move there (my home town). So we packed some stuff and moved there right away.

In 2011 we decided to move to QLD, I'm pretty sure that from the "Yep, def moving", it took me about 3 weeks to get on the plane. I sold all our things and we arrived with a bag of clothes each and a few hundred dollars, and moved in with Logan's mum, sleeping on mattresses. When we decided we were ready to get our own place we had saved nothing, we had our beds and a few toys and a T.V, but we went house hunting anyway and, unexpectedly, we were offered a house within a few days. I didn't get along with Logan's brother, and the kids had problems with him too so we were pretty desperate to move, so accepted the house despite having no savings. Some how, within the next 2 weeks I managed to pull enough money together to buy a couch and a few of the things we needed before moving in and bond money, and I organised a rental fridge. We moved in and then slowly built up a house of furniture and such from there.

So as you can see, we don't really plan, we def don't leave enough time to save cash, we just kinda say "yep lets go" and pull money from our arses and go, so we have no experience in saving over a long period of time and organising things and it certainly isn't an easy thing. We such at it.

We are now wanting to move back to Vic. We have wanted to for a year now, but failed pretty hard last year when we tried saving money for a moving van and what no.

We could easily do the same thing we did before and sell everything to move back but even now, after 2 1/2 years of living here, our children don't have much stuff, not when you compare their pile of toys with what other children their age have, or even what they had before we moved, and I really don't want to sell their things again. Doing that made me feel terribly guilty and I was just lucky that they were so excited about moving that they didn't care about their stuff.

Anyway I think the reason I can manage to pull the money together and organise everything when we decide to move right then and there is because it is my main focus, so I would find out where I can find every last spare cent, and i would dedicate it to moving. I can't do it when looking at a bigger scale over a longer period of time. In other words, Im terrible at long term plans but great at short term ones. 

Today I came up with a plan. To get in the right mind set for saving and moving, I started packing. Nothing we need too much, and only 3 boxes, but now I'm excited. Now I'm thinking about what I need to organise, how much money I can save this week and so on and so forth. Fingers crossed it continues to keep me motivated!! I want so badly to go home.

Wish me luck.

A bit of DIY

I've had a busy weekend.  Here are a few things I got up to:

I made button magnets, aren't they cute?

I painted an old photo frame,

A shelves set for Izzy's room,

And the chairs that go with the kids kitchen. It is more noticeable that the white needs a touch up now. I guess I'll have to get onto that.

I also have a chalkboard in the shed that needs a second coat and many more ideas planned, including thinking about painting Izzy's bed that beautiful purple.. Yay!

Doesn't look like much but that's a lot of coats of paint right there. :-D

And while I've got you here, I'll share the kidlets after school routine as I got a good response last time. I need to review ours as things go a bit different now that I am busier with studies, but here it is where it stands.

I am hoping to print the next one and maybe even laminate it so they kids can use a marker to check off each task as it is completed, but that will depend on if i ever remember to buy coloured ink for the printer. Not likely.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend. 

Goodnight :-)

Which do you see?

I see a wish, Which do you see? :-)

Creator unknown.

Just a moment of weakness

I am so tired, so so tired, and I want to write but I'm not sure how. I tried talking to Logan in the early hours of the morning. He is my person, but I couldn't do it. The words wouldn't come. Getting things out today have been hard. Impossible. And this blog, this blog is my diary. That's why it is called Diary Of An Overworked Mum, because it is my diary, my only diary. And I can only hope that the words that won't flow from my mouth, will from my fingers. Because I need to let them out.

But I still wonder at times how honest to be. I don't really know if there is a point where I should just keep things to myself rather than sharing them. On Facebook I believe there is, but this is my space. My space to be me. If only I could be certain that that is okay.

 You see, I haven't had much sleep in the last week and it has really run me down.

Last night I found out that my great aunt has only a day or so to live. Tumours have been found in her brain. 10 of them in fact. Being so tired means that I just cannot sort out how I'm feeling about the situation. Obviously I am sad, thats a given. I was never too close to her, I didn't keep in contact with her as I grew up, but I do have very fond memories of her from my childhood. Fond memories of the wonderful woman that she is. 

I am cut up about the news. But I'm confused, too. I hardly slept last night, I have hardly slept for days now, but last night was so much worse, and I am unsure of the meaning behind my emotions  I am unsure if I am this upset because she is dying, because of how horrible it must have been for her this last week, or because it has hit home hard. Probably all three.

See, I have migraines all the time. I have been to the doctors time and time again, many different doctors over the last almost 7 years, and they always end up doing the same thing.. brushing it off. Acting as though I am being dramatic, as though I am making it up. They tell me to take panadol, which does nothing to help, a few have offered medication to prevent them, but that never works either and so I don't bother continuing it. They might ask a few questions, but they never seem to care, they never take it seriously.

I have been taking Ibuprofen & Codine for months now, it is the only thing I have found that provides a little help. I know it is terrible for my body, but I have to lower the pain some how, there is no one available to take over my job as mum while I'm in bed unable to move, so what choice do I have? 

It surprises even me how well I have learnt to deal with the pain. How when a big one hits I stop and stand still for a minute, breathing and telling myself "you can deal with this, you have no choice, just get over it" and then I move on with my day. Pain that puts most people in bed isn't enough to make me stop my day anymore. Because life hasn't given me a choice. I have no one to help. Not one person. Because Logan has work to go to. Because he is all I have right now, and he is just too damn busy to take over my role as mum.

But I worry, because while it might not seem like a big deal to the doctors, it is to me. It makes my life so hard, I am so limited in what I do because I am just always in pain. My kids are always being told to be quiet, always in trouble for yelling and banging things.. and that isn't fair on them. And I hate that they are limited because of my pain. 

And really, having migraines daily is not normal, it just isn't.

I guess I worry that that will be me one day. One day soon. Lying on the hospital bed, leaving my family, all because the doctors just won't listen to me. And sure, it may not be so serious for me, but how can I know that? Maybe they are brushing it off because they have already ruled the more serious things out by asking the few questions they asked. But I wouldn't know because, along with their not really caring attitude, they don't bother to tell me that I'm sort of ok. They don't bring me comfort. They just stress me more because I leave thinking "why are you treating me like a child who is being overly dramatic about a scraped knee? why don't you care??". 

Maybe it is time for me to stop putting on the brave face I work so hard at. Maybe it is time for me to go in there, a mess, bawling my eyes out, so they see what Logan see's. So they maybe decide to take me seriously for once. Isn't that their job, after all?

So you see? I am sad, heartbroken really, I am torn up at how cruel life can be. How can such a wonderful woman, with such a kind heart, can have this happen to her. When all those terrible terrible people out there get to live their lives, happy and healthy.

And I'm scared. I have been scared for years now. But this, this makes it worse. And I need someone. But no one has the time. People have their own lives to live, and I need to let go of this moment of weakness and continue on with my life. Because that's all this is, a moment of weakness. One that I will burry as I do.

Because I have no choice.

The craziness that is school mornings

So it's twenty past nine, the kids are at school the toddler is at daycare, I have my coffee from Zarraffas and Logan and I are about to get on the train, that's a win itself, but then I even managed to get Bay to wear shoes today! Well, until we got to daycare and he threw them into the sandpit somewhere.. But hey, the shoes are their problem now, so I still count that as Winning! 

Do any of you have mornings like this? Where the shoes are always missing, the tea's gone cold before you even got a sip, the socks don't match, the breakfast is all over the floor and one child, who cannot find their homework book, swears on their chocolate cupcake that a thief snuck in just to steal the homework and left everything else in it's place then locked the door on the way out?? 

You do, I know you do. I could not possible be alone in the craziness that is school mornings.

100 random facts about me

0. I love starting at 0 instead of 1.

1. I fell pregnant with my first child at the age of 16, only 2 weeks after her father and I started dating, we are still together now, almost 8 years later. 


2. My middle name is Jade.

3. I cry.. a lot.. like, about everything. They aren't always sad tears either.

4. I'm obsessed with organisation but find joy in occasionally throwing the routine out the window.

5. I love singing at the top of my lungs and wish I had the balls to sing in public (like at karaoke nights or something).

6. I have heart 'stuff' and am not supposed to drink alcohol or coffee or energy drinks, but I still drink coffee a few times a week cos it's that good from Zarraffes.

7. I'm a stress head, it's getting worse as I age.

8. I'm obsessed with crazy patterned pants.

9. Storms scare the crap out of me.

10. I love reading.

11. I banned "I can't" from our family's vocabulary's.

12. I have a habit of talking people into paying boardgames with me and then getting bored and wanting to quit 10 minutes into the game.

13. I have a favourite child - It changes constantly.

14. New people are always so sure that they have met me before, or I look like their friend/cousin/boyfriends brothers girlfriend.

15. When I was told I couldn't drink coffee anymore I replaced it with tea, I guess I get addicted to things easily.

16. I can't stand noisy eaters, it makes me SO angry, especially when they eat with their mouths open.

17. I'm allergic to morphine.

18. I have 4 half sisters, 1 half brother and 1 step brother who technically isn't my brother anymore, I only speak to 2 of my sisters and the one bro thats not technically my bro.

19. I have scoliosis.

20. I always want the latest gadget but hate technology with a passion.

21. I love technology as much as I hate it.

22. I am old school when it comes to reading, looking at my book collection cluttering the shelves makes me happy.

23. I'm not interested in watching sports on T.V at all.

24. Logan turned me into a bit of a nerd. I'd never even played XBOX before I met him and now I know how to play warhammer 40k.

25. I love taking photos.

26. I am short. It used to bother me, especially when I was picked on for it throughout primary and high school, now when people mention it I just wonder why the hell they care.

27. I look forward to my children becoming teenagers.

28. I talk in my sleep and my dreams tend to take on the theme of whatever I've watched a lot of recently.

29. I wear glasses and hate them with a passion. They hurt my head and nose. and constantly have smudges.

30. I still hope that I will get married one day, even though Logan always says he doesn't want to. I have my dress and flowers planned.

31. I hate cleaning without music on.

32. I get migraines a lot, like, almost constantly, so I'm pretty out of it from my pain killers 99% of the time. 

33. I want to move back to cold, wet Victoria because I miss my friends and family.

34. I want a really big, white, fluffy dog. 

35. I'm terrible at saving money - something is always begging to be paid.

36. I want to be a hairdresser, a photographer and an event planner.

37. I've had 2 operations on my spine.

38. I love leopard print.

39. I want to dye my hair hot pink as soon as I become a hairdresser.

40. Cooking makes me feel amazing. It is my therapy.

41. I didn't like chocolate before I met Logan. He was a chocoholic and gave me no choice but to eat it.. I still don't eat it often and when I do I only eat a few bites.

42. I'm seriously scared or magpies and huntsman's. I literally cry when huntsman's make their way into my house. Once Logan had to tell his boss there was an emergency and come home early from work to kill a huntsman for me. Another time I sat on the floor in my son's room and cried until Logan came home 4 hours later and turned the lounge room upside down to find and kill the spider for me.

43. I hate, more than anything, that Logan works night shift.

44. I have always wanted long hair and am in the process of growing it, but it annoys me so I wear it in a bun at the top of my head 99% of the time.

45. I wish I could tie my kids down while they sleep, when they move in the night the noises scare me

46. I wish I had the patients to have one more child.

47. I want to run my own business.

48. I have a foot phobia

49. I have low self esteem but fake high self esteem well.

50. I sleep with my balcony door open because I feel claustrophobic with it shut.

51. I like to go fishing as long as I don't have to touch the fish.

52. I love reading aloud.

53. I honestly don't believe anyone will read this far into my list.

54. I wanted to be a midwife until Logan and our kids told me they don't want me in a job where I would be gone more than not. I was shattered to give up on that dream, but my family come first.

55. I can't drive (or be in a car) with the windows up, it nearly makes me cry.

56. I've never had chicken pox.

57. I always forget about the scar down my back.

58. It makes me angry when random people casually ask me what my scar is from or my tattoo means, like it's their business.

59. My tattoo is exactly the same as my besties tattoo.

60. I took guitar lessons in primary school and played indoor soccer in high school.

61. I wanted a motorbike licence until I had kids, now I feel like I have too much to lose.

62. I hate planes and really don't want to get back on one to go back to VIC.

63. I have never had a speeding ticket or a parking ticket or been pulled over.

64. During my childhood we only moved house once that I remember, since moving out of home 8 years ago I have moved houses 13 times.

65. The first car I bought was a VS

66. I drank pretty much nothing but coke for 7 years, my teeth are suffering from it now.

67. I wish my bed was big enough that I could let my youngest still co-sleep.

68. I scored 95% on my written driving test and 100% on my practical.

69. The only reason it annoys me when males leave the toilet seat up is because I forget to check and fall in.

70. I laughed while typing #69.

71. I love blonde jokes even though I am naturally blonde.

72. I wanted singing lessons when I was a kid and my mum and friends mum said they would organise it but never did. I still wish they did.

73. I never tasted a 'peanut butter and jelly sandwich' until I moved in with Logan, I think it's weird.

74. It does my head in when people don't use grammar.

75. I like to make people laugh.

76. It annoys me when people put the toilet paper on the wrong way (yes, there is a wrong way).

77. I want a lancer.

78. My best friend of 10 years died when I was 14.

79. It annoys me when males wear pants without socks and shoes. Freaks me out really.

80. I'm not usually sexist. I think it's just because men have big feet and I hate feet. See #48.

81. I hate being alone but being in crowded busy places - like shopping centres - stresses me out.

82. When I cry, Logan cuddles me better (and, most of the time, laughs at me), the fact that he comforts me, even if I've cried four times that day already, makes me love him even more.

83. I take, on average, 9,000 steps on weekdays and 3,000 steps on weekends.

84. I believe that having money does, in fact, make people happy. And if it doesn't, then they should try being broke for a while.

85. I don't believe in karma.

86. I hate toilet training.

87. I love walking at night, but not alone.

88. I have completed a Business Diploma and Management Diploma and then got bored again and started on a Website Development Diploma since moving to Queensland 2 1/2 years ago.

89. I dont understand why, when offering money for something, people write the figure rather than say it aloud.

90. I take my youngest on a coffee date every Wednesday.

91. I have a teddy bear named Otis. I cuddle him to sleep.

92. I always get hungry just as I'm about to lay down to sleep.

93. My fave alcoholic drink is a Moist Pussy but I can't find them at any club here in Brisbane. :-(

94. I like Apple more than Windows.

95. I don't like gardening because the garden spiders creep me out and the sun makes my head hurt more.

96. I always wanted a 2 story house but now that I have one I wish I didn't.

97. I taught myself to sew by hand.

98. I swear way too much.

99. When I was 15 I went to the zoo in Adelaide with my family and a friend, a monkey stole my bracelet and then refused to give it back. The sneaky shit.

Food Food Food!

I did some cooking with Bay today, although he was much more interested in eating it then cooking it.

Shit I make adorable children don't I? It's a talent of mine..

Here is another talent; cooking amazing food. I really do, I swear! Here are the links to the recipes I made with Bay this afternoon:

Carbonara

Minestrone

Banana Bread

Yum Yum!

And I wanted to share with you guys some of my lunch box ideas too. If you are a parent then you probably know what it's like to struggle with filling lunch boxes 5 days a week. I remember being a kid I certainly didn't enjoy the idea of eating a plain old sandwich day after day and now that I am a mum I hate putting my kids through that. But there isn't really much you can do either, I mean, once they reach school age they can't heat up left overs and they can't put their lunch boxes in the fridge either so that really limits things. My kids are terrible at looking after things too so cold packs in the lunch box is a big pain for me, especially when I send them with Izzy, but I won't get into that right now.

So here are this last weeks lunch box mains:

Pretty Cut sandwiches. The first time I did this I used different sized shapes to use as much bread as possible but I was still unhappy about the amount of bread that went in the bin with the crusts so now I cut a large shape out of the middle and the kids can pull the middle out to eat it and also eat the rest too.

Saladas, simple but easily forgotten.

Banana Bread

Vegemite and Cheese Scrolls

I also make roll-ups with bread and fillings and hold them together with tooth picks. Unfortunately I misplaced the photo.

Fairy Bread and Wraps are two other options the children enjoy.

Well thats all I've got for you for now. Let me know if you try any of my recipes.

Sami :-) x

Seriously Awesome Playdoh Discovery

If you haven't already tried this seriously awesome playdoh recipe, then you need to try it today.

I made this playdoh a few weeks ago now, and the kids love it, especially with the coloured rice in it! I shared this on my blog when I made it, but at the time I didn't realise just how amazing this recipe is. 

If any of you have ever used playdoh before either yourself as a child or with your own children/grandchildren/friends children etc (I'm sure you all have), then you will know that playdoh dries out, and it usually starts drying out pretty quickly. Not this playdoh! 

Bay was playing with the playdoh last night while I was cooking dinner, and because of the positioning of our table, it wasn't until I was sweeping this morning that I realised that he had dropped a few bits on the floor. I picked them up and was shocked to find that after 14 hours on the floor it still felt just as soft and perfect as it was when I first made it. Seriously! I've never come across a playdoh that does that, and I winged the recipe too! Go me ;-)

Give it a go, I promise you won't be disappointed!! To find the recipe just click the first link, and don't forget to check out the awesome coloured rice too.

Yours in this awesome world of playdoh and fun kid stuff,

Sami :-) xx

Our Sundays

Sundays are our one day a week as a family. Monday-Friday the kids are lucky to spend 5 minutes with Logan and lately he has been working on Saturdays too, so they have seen him for about an hour or two before bed. For this reason, and because I don't see them anywhere near as much as I would like to either, we like to spend Sunday afternoons together. 

This afternoon we went down to the park, we took the kids scooters and soccer ball and just spent the arvo climbing on the rocks in the almost dry stream, racing around on the scooters, climbing trees, playing ball and myself taking many many photo's. A fair few of which turned out really well, so well that I wanted to share them. So here they are. Enjoy :-)

All it takes is a morning full of whining, fighting, messes and craziness to drive me up the wall and make me feel the need to run away and hide,
But then all it takes is moments like this, filled with smiles and giggles, kisses and I love you's to remind me why I'm here, why it's worth it.

All week I look forward to our Sundays together. Most Sundays we just absolutely cannot be bothered going anywhere and just want to head back to bed, but we force ourselves to get up and get ourselves and the kids ready and head out, and it is always so so worth it! 

People can be so mean

It surprises me, not just the way some people treat children, but how they treat them in public. 

The way I see it, parents who are nasty to their children in their homes but sweet to them in public know that it is wrong, but do it anyway, People who do it in public too, must think that their behaviour is okay. I'm not sure which one worries me more. 

Today I caught the train to College. While sitting at the station I was reminded of 3 weeks ago when I was sitting in the exact same spot. A man with a double stroller with a young girl and a young boy who looked about 3 in it, sat on the next bench up from me. The children were cute but grotty. Being a mum has encouraged me to not judge - or at least to try not to judge - little things like snotty noses and dirty faces and hands, but it is something I noticed all the same. 

But the thing I noticed more, was the way he was acting toward the children. Just from sitting there for 5 minutes I felt like I was able to pick up a little of their story, parents split up, twin children spent at least the one night with dad and now they are catching the train to head back to mums place. A perfectly normal thing to be happening, but dad had obviously had enough. 

The children kept sooking, they were hungry. 
"But I'm hungry daddy" the little boy would say, "oh just be quiet!" dad said, "You know I have no spare money because I had to spend it on the train".

The little girl wants out of the stroller. "Just sit down will you!" not such a nasty thing to say, but the tone made me look up. The little girl continued to try to remove her belt. Dad shoved her into the back of the stroller pretty roughly, she started to cry. Dad smacks her and leans forward and whispers "If you don't shut up..." 

Meanwhile the little boy is still sooking "But I'm so hungry dad! My belly hurts!". I'm now starting to wonder if the children have eaten much that morning and wished that I could help in some way. Wished that I had something on me that I could give the children to eat. 

By now the little girl has stopped trying to get out of her set and is instead playing with her brothers fingers. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and yet dad smacked her anyway. 

She starts sooking that she is hungry too. "Shut up!" is dads response, "You can have something when we get to your mothers". I hope mums place isn't far. It's a hard thing on anyone to be hungry, I couldn't imagine what the little ones go through, not understudying why they can't just have something to eat to make the hunger pains go away. 

This went on longer, at one point dad smacked the little boy in the head for crying about being hungry. He threatened to leave the girl behind if she complained about being bored again. 

I was at the point where I was about to seriously lose it - and I am not the kind of person to interfere in someone else's parenting, especially a random person in public - But I just felt extremely uncomfortable and angry at the way this man was treating these little ones. 

But not just that, I was worried for the children, because if this is the way he treats them at a public train station, I can't imagine how he is when they are in a private environment.

Just when I felt I couldn't stay quiet for one more minute my train pulled into the station and I had to leave, hoping so badly that they would get back to their (hopefully much nicer) mother quickly and have their little bellies filled. Hoping they were able to play and be themselves and end their day in smiles and giggles.

Sure, I get annoyed at my children, but the tone in his voice was enough to make me, a grown woman who wasn't at the other end of that treatment, feel extremely uncomfortable, I don't even want to think how the children were feeling. Too hungry to notice it seemed.

I just don't understand how some people can treat their children like that. Little ones are helpless, they rely on us for everything. They don't deserve to be told to shut up, to be threatened, just because they are upset over being hungry!

Anyway, there is nothing I can do about it, but I just can't get it out of my mind.  It has been 3 weeks and the horrible tone, the tone that sounded so much like hatred, is haunting me. I can still hear it. I wish I could have taken them, washed them up and given them a good feed. 


About 2 weeks ago Logan and I took the kids to McDonalds for ice-cream. We sat outside so that the kids could play in the playground. There was another table occupied, a woman in her early 20's with too young children, maybe 3 and 1 1/2, and her brother. 

After a little while some older girls, I would guess pre-teens, came out and were running around playing chasey, both through the playground and the tables. It was about 8pm and other than those mentioned there was no one else around. While running around the girls never caused any harm to anyone nor did they bother me or my family one bit, but the brother at the other table, when they were getting ready to leave, said to the girls "go play on the road will you!?". 

Oh. My. God. Did you get that? This random man, told these girls to go play on the road!!! 

I was in shock and before I had the chance to say anything the girls had already disappeared back inside to their parents. The man even had the nerve to look at me like I would agree! Still in shock all I could do was shake my head at him. The girls mother came out to defend them and he and his sister did nothing but make matters worse by defending his words rather than apologise. They made out like the girls were endangering the little ones.

Seriously, what goes through these peoples heads? What makes grown people feel that it is okay to act this way toward children?? 

Shit it makes me angry!

Time to get into it!

I have had such a wonderful week, but it has gone so fast as it always does.

Movie Night

Last Friday night Izzy had a friend Shae* over. I think I was about as excited as the girls because it was the first time Izzy had invited a child for a sleepover. By the end of the night I was a little bit regretting agreeing to a sleepover on a night when Logan was working. Bay was determined to have Shae's little fan thing and Shae, not having any younger siblings was not used to little ones and didn't understand that he didn't understand not to touch other peoples things. This caused quite a headache (literally) for me. It wasn't so bad after dinner though, the boys headed upstairs to chill on the bed and watch Monsters Ink on one of the laptops, and I made popcorn for the girls as they snuggled up on the sofa bed with a pile of pillows and a few quilts to watch barbie.

Unfortunately Izzy fell asleep around 9pm and poor Shae was really upset. I had a lovely little chat with her and then called her mum to come pick her up. 
(I had a lovely little chat with her too, she is such a lovely lady from NZ and, wait for it.. she agreed with me that Queenslander's, at least where we live, are so hard to get to know and befriend haha! Good to know it isn't just me)

Saturday was a quiet day as Logan had to work all day and Izzy went up the road to another friends for a play. Sunday was just as quiet because Shae and her mum picked up Izzy nice and early and kept her until dinner time.

Monday I studied with Logan, Tuesday we went to the cinema to see Vampire Academy and then when I got home my new (to me) iPhone was in the mailbox. Yay!! 

Coffee Date

Yesterday Bay and I finished the grocery shopping and then finished up with a lovely little coffee date, one of my favourite parts of each week.

Today I dyed my hair, tanned my legs and relaxed, read and played with Logan's new MacBook Pro.

Oh, and because I've not been busy working on assignments I've actually managed to keep the house spotless, more or less. I can't believe it's almost the weekend again!! Time flies when you're having fun!

New Hair

Bay is back in nappies, at home at least. We were getting no where and I don't want to make the same mistake with him that I did with Izzy, so I refuse to push him. They are continuing to encourage him to use the toilet at daycare, but I am going to give him for a break for a few weeks and see how he goes then.

Tomorrow I'm heading back into the College with Logan. After such a relaxing, fun week, it's time to buckle down and get my assignments done! I have to admit, I am really nervous about it. My migraines have been so bad lately, every day this week my head has been thumping before 9am. I'm not exactly looking forward to sitting at the college in front of a computer for hours a day with a migraine! I meant to make a doctors appointment this week but I guess I was having too much fun.

My goal for the following week is to get this unit of study done without letting it stress me or get in the way of my 1 hour a night with my children. This week I was making printables to organise my life and that includes Monthly, Weekly and Daily planners. Hopefully, using those, I will be able to manage my time a bit better. 

You should never let something that needs doing become more important than someone that needs loving.

Wish me luck lovelies.


*Name is a pseudonyms

The wiggles

This is such old news I know, but I've gotta get this out there.

You have all seen the 'new' female Wiggle, Emma, right? With her cute red hair and big back and yellow bow?

I've gotta say, and I know my opinion doesn't make a spot of difference, but I'm not happy about this move at all.

The thing that made me really take notice to the change and care, was an episode that was on the other day. I've looked for it online so I could provide a link with this post but I cannot find it as I'm not even sure of the name of it. 

During said episode, they played a song where, if I remember correctly, the males were all dressed up in suits, and Emma was dressed in a white dress and sitting up on a swing. This little 'old school' scene annoyed me because she was singled out as 'the pretty female' with all the males standing around singing about her. 

I may be overreacting, but it just made me feel like they were setting a bad example (maybe the wrong words) for our little ones. She isn't a goddess, this is 2014 and she should be treated as an equal, not put up on a pedestal. 

I think this is why them adding a female to the group has annoyed me. I feel like she wasn't just added as a member of the group but as a female member of the group. 

Then again, maybe that isn't such a bad thing? Maybe the problem I have is more with the particular scene rather than the new member? I'm undecided.

What do you think?

Feeling relaxed

Sorry I haven't been around much, I've been so busy lately, and so tired by the time Bay has fallen asleep at night.

I've had such a wonderful day today. I went to the movies with Logan to see Vampire Acadamy this morning, I was a bit shatted that we didn't realise the time when we had breaky because it meant that we were too full for popcorn.. And I loooorve cinema popcorn. 

I have been hanging out to see the movie since I first heard they were making it because I loved the books. At first we thought the movie was going to be a bad one because the acting is pretty bad, Zoey Deutch is such a good actor as far as I'm concerned but the same can't be said for Lucy Fry (maybe it is partly because she isn't what I expected Lissa to be like?). As the movie went on though it got better, we got used to Lucy playing Lissa and by the end I was hanging for the next movie. I hope they make it quickly!

After that we went shopping for new shoes for the boys because they both wore through the soles in their shoes in the same week (found some awesome sales at Kmart! Including a pair of sandels each for $2 a pair - and they are good ones too!), then when I arrived home I found my new iPhone in the mailbox. This was such an amazing feeling because a month or so ago I was walking with the kids and Zay nearly pushed Bay's stroller into a snake on the footpath  and when I reached out and grabbed him my phone smashed on the bridge so I have spend all this time with a very unreliable phone, which is so stressful when the school and daycare can't get in contact with me!

And then tonight the kids were pretty well behaved and Bay was asleep in his own bed by 8:17pm! And I didn't have to go to him once! This is such an amazing thing as he hasn't fallen asleep without getting out of bed at least 3 times, and by 9:30pm in so so so long! 

After such a good day I feel so relaxed! And tomorrow is Bay's day off daycare which I'm excited for! I've been so busy that I haven't planned any fun activities to do yet but I'm sure I will think of something. Him just being there makes me feel better.

Just a heads up, if you follow one section of my blog, say, 'home' then you won't receive the notifications for my 'kid spot' or 'recipes' and vice versa so if you are interested in any particular thing then go ahead and follow that certain one, but if you are interested in it all then you will need to specifically follow all three.

I hope you guys have had a wonderful day too, it is seriously amazing the difference a good day vs. a bad day can make on the way you feel as you climb into bed.

Yours in this crazy world of parenting,

Sami x

Toddler Activities

Bay and I had such a busy day today. I'm now exhausted!! And he is finally sound asleep, along with his big brother and sister.

We started off the day with dropping Izzy and Zay at school, we then went shopping, had lunch together, cleaned up a bit and then got stuck into an arvo of fun activities. 

We made playdoh and spent a good half hour rolling it and cutting out shapes, we did some threading with straws, we played with pompoms and we got out our coloured rice and had a play with it and some plastic animals. Then after the older children got home we cleaned up their rooms and watched some Peppa Pig (a favorite in our house) and made some yummy spaghetti bolognese for dinner. Yummo! 

That's not to mention how exhausting toilet training is!


Last night I was up until 1am, I was completely lost in my new project and I didn't notice the time. I am currently making printables for folders to organize my life and finances and whatever else I can organize. Once I am done - and figure out how - I will upload them for you guys to print and use.

Ok well I think thats about all I have the energy for tonight. Make sure you check out my links, If you have little ones there might be some ideas for you to try out.


Yours in this crazy world of parenting,

Sami :-)

Words, Blogging & Lonliness

I love words. I love reading them, writing them by hand, typing them. I love talking (my Mum will confirm that - she always told me I talk too much, which is probably true). I love how words can express things so well, and also, I love how sometimes they just can't.

I'll never be a true writer, I'm not talented in writing, I don't have a way with words like many do, but that won't stop me from using them to express the way I feel, in the many ways that words can. 

I like writing things for myself, and I like writing for you too. I know I'm not writing some wonderful piece that will make millions flock here to read, but if even just a few of you read my words and tell me you liked them then that makes it worth it.

I've always had a few close friends in my life. They changed over the years, but I have never been alone. I've always had people who I can talk to without judgement and it's such a wonderful thing to have. Friends that are just there for you, there to listen, there to talk, there to sit in silence with you. That right there is irriplaceable.

Since being in QLD I have had to rely on written words so much more. Other than my man, other than my kids, I don't have anyone here. The few people I have met already have their lives with their friends in it and I just can't seem to fit in there. Though I have tried. I have tried making friends, and I like to blame my friendless-ness on QLDer's (well, I've never had an issue with making friends before!) but maybe it is the fact that it is just harder when we get older, or maybe it is me not getting out enough (obvs I'm a tad busy to be sweeping the streets for friends) or maybe they just don't like me for some reason? but whatever the issue is, it leaves me in the same place. Alone with my keypad.

And that is where my blogging started. I, of course, message my girls daily, how could I not? But there is a huge difference between hanging out with people, and just chatting via instant messages. The messages help. They keep me in contact with the people I love and they keep me from feeling alone at night while my man is at work, but they just don't quite fill the gap, almost, but not quite.

So I just decided maybe the thing to do here is to just do it more. To write more. So I found blogger, and I found you guys, and now this is what I do. Because I love words, because I love people, because I love to share my life. Because you, my readers, help to rid me of that void that is my loneliness. 

You don't do much to make yourselves known, but I see you there, and you help. And I hope that here, you may find words, if written poorly, that help you in some way. Even if it be fairly insignificant.

If you have been thinking about starting a blog, I say do it. Blogging for me has just been amazing. It is not just all the things I mentioned, but relaxing too. Sometimes I feel like I have no words available, like I couldn't possible find a way to express to you my feelings, my life. Sometimes when I have a terrible day, like today, I wonder how I could ever find a way to talk to you without sounding overly depressed and dramatic. Without being a downer. Boring. But I do (maybe, maybe you are bored?). 

Somehow the words just come to me. And they relax me. They leave me feeling just wonderful because surprisingly those shrinks who tell you to write things down, actually do know what their talking about. So give it a go!

The coolest thing about blogging is that unlike Facebook, your not writing just for your friends to read, you don't need to think about what they would and wouldn't be interested in, because your writing for the world. And your readers will find you. And there is just something so cool about that. Those people reading, they are not there pretending to be interested but really rolling their eyes, they are there because they want to be. Your supporters aren't people just trying to make you feel good because they are your friends or family and it's their job, they are doing it because they actually do believe in you. In your words.

This is something I want to get Izzy in on. Writing can give you so much. I want her to be able to express herself. I want her to know that her words are important. And I want to hear what she has to say!

Well, that's why I do this. What do you think? Is it for you?

Yours in this crazy crazy world,

Sami :-) x