Never signing up for that again!

One of my close friends had a baby two months back and one is due in 15 weeks and do you know what I'm thinking? "Glad it's not me!".

Don't get me wrong, I'm so damn happy for them! So damn happy.. but golly gosh I can't even begin to express the relief that I feel that it is not me with the baby.

Now if that's not a sign that I'm never having another baby, then I don't know what is. I never thought that it was possible for me to feel like this. I'm going to let you in on a little secret;

I didn't want kids. Like, Ever. That isn't the secret, anyone who is close to me knows that I wanted a career. I wanted to fly around the world and work in and own restaurants all over the place. Yeah, yeah, I can hear all you working mummy's getting ready to lecture me right now. Don't stress, I know you can have a career and be a mum at the same time, believe me, I wouldn't study so much if I didn't plan on it. But working around the world while having a family? That's just not for me. I don't want to leave my kids for long periods of time, nor do I want to drag them all over at the expense of them missing out on having life long friends, on having structure, normalcy.

Yep, that's why I wasn't ever going to have kids. But then I fell pregnant with Izzy and ever since that first conversation with Logan about her, about the thought of there being a mini us running around.. well, I've been one hell of a clucky mess!
No joke.

This is the secret - not the fact that I was clucky, cos anyone who is anyone to me knew that! Sheesh! No, the secret was how clucky I was!

Every time I saw a baby, my emotions would go crazy and I'd actually have tears in my eyes, yep, real tears. I didn't even have to know the mum or bub any cute little newborn would do it. And while I wanted no more kids (yes, I admit - not that I need to really, because people are always bringing it up - that I said "no more kids!" after each was born), I just couldn't help but feel extremely jealous of every single pregnant woman. I'm telling you, I was the definition of clucky.

But now suddenly the thought of having to do it again sends warning bells to my system. The thought of going through labor and birth again makes me cringe. The thought of being up all night again makes me feel like crying. The thought of carrying a cute little newborn everywhere I go, of snuggling it as I relax at night after the big kids go to bed, maybe even in bed too, my very favorite thing about newborns.. Well, it just makes me feel claustrophobic!

That's it.

No more.

None.

Ever.

Like, never ever.

Yep, I'm DONE.

It almost feel like a big sigh of relief to realize that I'm finally past all that clucky crap. Yay to moving on from newborns and finally having a little freedom. Freedom to sleep at night, freedom to (almost) pee and shower alone, freedom to run down to the shops without having to pack up half the house first.

You know who wasn't happy with my realization? Izzy. She wasn't happy at all because she wanted so badly to have a little sister. Ha! No. Way. Hosay.

Then on valentines day we babysat a friends 4 month old for the night. Boy was that funny! The poor darl had the worst case of wind I've ever seen, he screamed for two straight hours and burped I swear close to 20 times before finally calming down.

He had been crying for only about 10 minutes before Izzy was practically begging that I take him home. The kids enjoyed playing with him the next day but, just in case I didn't already know, Zay felt the need to let me know that "we don't want another baby, we are happy with our family how it is, huh mumma?".

Well if you insist little buddy, if you insist ;-)


Yours in this crazy world of parenting,

Sami :-)