The Dummy

I have to get this out, so please forgive me. I have two points to make today.

1. Judgment
        As a parent (I use the word Parent rather than Mum because I acknowledge that, although it may be on a smaller scale, fathers experience the same things as mothers do), I feel judged, inadequate, like a failure about 56% of the time. Other parents, society, sets standards that they expect us and our child/ren to follow and sometimes, when those standards aren't met, it's hard not to experience these feelings. There is so much that can be said on this matter, but I have just one example that I would like to share with you today.

The other month I bought my 2 year old son, Bay, a dummy. 

He gave up his dummy around his first birthday, maybe earlier, and so it had been over a year since he had used one. I bought the dummy because we were suddenly having so much trouble at night with him. I was at the point where I was just exhausted and would have don't just about anything to get Bay to sleep through the night again. I was desperately hoping that the dummy would bring Bay some form of comfort in the night.

When I handed the dummy to Bay he started acting like a baby. He got down on his hands and knees and started crawling around making "wah" sounds while trying so hard to keep the dummy in his mouth (which looked like quite the challenge). He was simply adorable!

Instantly I wanted to tell a few of my closest friends about Bay's cute behavior but held back for a bit as I was thinking "what are they going to think/say when I tell them that I bought my 2 year old son a dummy?".

I was actually feeling, from the moment that I had picked up the dummy in the supermarket, incredibly guilty. I was considering not giving it to him at all. But the guilty feeling didn't come come from the knowledge that I was buying something that I thought was going to improve my child's sleep routine, It came from standards set by society and the fact that by even considering buying the dummy for my 2 year old son, I was not meeting those standards.

Now these girls, as I mentioned, are close friends of mine and so I really shouldn't have even thought twice about telling them about Bay and his new dummy, or about being judged by them. But I did.

In general, we are always judging others, whether or not we actually mean it, and knowing this makes it hard to believe we aren't going to receive the same treatment.. even from those we know and trust.

By allowing ourselves and our parenting to be molded by others, are we, in turn, allowing our children to miss out on their own basic needs, in this case, an item of comfort?

2. Dependencies

I believe children grow out of their dependencies when they are physically, emotionally and mentally ready. Why should we force it on them? Most adults keep their mobile phones on them constantly and whether they realize it or not, it usually provides them with some form of comfort.

How would you like it if your mobile phone was taken from you? I'm sure for many this would result in a small feeling of loss, even loneliness. I know that I personally don't feel comfortable at night when I am home alone and cannot find my mobile phone (I don't have a home phone).

Or how about if you were scared of something? The dark maybe, a spider, a storm and something had something that would provide you with comfort, like say a torch, bug spray or headphones, but refused to give them to you because they believed that you were too old? I bet that wouldn't go down too well with you. So why should it with little ones who have no understanding of 'too old'?

I have never seen an adult walking around sucking on a dummy, have you? So doesn't that prove my point here?


Yours in this crazy world of parenting,

Sami :-)